A fading skill

Last August when my friend and I visited London, we located a restaurant/pub two blocks away from our hotel, so we walked over there to try their "fish and chips." We were surprised to see the sidewalk in front of the restaurant full of people standing there drinking and visiting, and the throng wrapped around the the building. We almost turned around and left, but then we had no idea where another eating establishment was located in the area, so we decided to try to find the end of the line.

Turns out, it wasn't a line to the restaurant. People were just standing outside the pub to be able to smoke while they drank, or to drink with a friend who smoked, or to just stand around and visit outside. And we saw that again and again-- especially at the end of the work day. The drinking and smoking didn't impress me, but the fact that they were all enjoying conversing was refreshing to see. I don't remember seeing anyone with their face stuck in their cell phones texting in the eating establishments and pubs. Conversation was alive and well in London.

I fear we Americans are quickly losing that skill, especially with the younger generation. I rarely see teenagers and young adults without earbuds and their total attention glued to their cell phones. When family comes to my house, the television is usually on and half of us are either on our laptops, iPads or cellphones instead of having meaningful conversations.

My grandparents had a big back porch that was used regularly. I remember sitting out there shelling peas with my grandmother while we visited. My grandfather grew the best tomatoes in the sandy soil in Live Oak County, and each morning he would go out and pick several baskets full and display them on the porch for people to buy. They lived miles out of town so people had to make an effort to get there. But the sale usually involved conversing a while before they left. Every evening after supper my grandparents would sit on the porch, and often friends would drop by to visit. I remember how peaceful it was to sit there and watch the birds and listen to the sounds of pasture out behind the house and to just talk with each other. The porch was just as important as any other room in the house.

For years I told my mother that I wouldn't need the use of a shrink if I only had a porch to sit on and think things through or visit with family and friends. And now we live in a house with two big porches in the front and back of the house. Family visited this past weekend, and we actually sat on the front porch after supper Saturday night, leaving our electronic communicating devices inside, and we opened our mouths and talked.

It felt so good.

My niece Jenna took this picture; everybody else was on the other side of the camera at the time.

This is my favorite place to hang out with the grandkids.

Tis the Season for Adding More Clutter

Until my family moved to Cotulla when I was in the 7th grade, we moved about every three years. I was six weeks old when my dad finished his Navy service in California, and he moved his family back to Texas in 1954 to a cotton farm near Colorado City. Dad says he picked the worst three years of the century to farm, which was right in the middle of the severe fifties drought. Dad shifted gears to start a career in electronics and moved the family to Lubbock, followed by Corpus Christi, Fort Stockton, Salt Flat, and then Cotulla in 1967.

The memories of most of those years are neatly compartmentalized in my brain, divided into three year segments by communities, the houses, and the people in our lives at those times. I felt like I'd lived a whole lifetime before we moved to Cotulla. That was a watershed line for me. I seemed to compare and relate everything in the present and future with what I had experienced in the past in these other towns. It wasn't until I was in my late thirties that I realized I had lived longer in Cotulla than all the other communities combined. Up until that point, moving to Cotulla at age thirteen seemed to be the halfway mark in my life.

My memories of these past thirty-five years are much more difficult to sort and recall. Many of them are jumbled up together with few dividers marking time. Anniversaries and birth dates are usually memorable dividers, but they've all blurred with the passage of time. My children's adolescent years help somewhat, along with a few jobs here and there, but most of my memories are scattered about like the unorganized piles of clutter in my house

Another advantage of moving every few years is that it forces us to recognize what's important enough to keep and take with us, and to discard everything else. I'm not going to name names, but the Casey kids have inherited a patriarchal genetic clutter trait. I watch Hoarding: Buried Alive reality show every so often to scare me into to attempting to keep it under control. I'm going through a great, but convicting, study course-- Mercy Triumphs by Beth Moore-- that I keep reading and re-reading to try to get it to sink in.  On my closet door I taped the following quote:

"The sin of hoarding is more than just having. It's having without using."

To me, clutter feels like packing on the pounds a little at a time. For a while we don't notice it, then things start to feel uncomfortably tight, and eventually we fill up every conceivable space in our clothes and we're out of room. But instead of losing weight, we just buy larger size clothes.

Now go back and replace clothes with "houses" and losing weight with "de-cluttering." The clutter pushes our cars out of the garage, then it spills out into newly purchased storage sheds or fills up rented storage rooms. And on it goes, draining our resources, energy, and motivation to prioritize, simplify and let go. I'm not sure which is the greater restraint: us hanging onto our stuff, or our stuff having a chokehold on us.

One source of clutter in our homes is the gifts we buy each other, continually filling already full homes because we feel the need to express our love in tangible ways. Then we feel obligated to keep those gifts for sentimental reasons, even when they don't fit, match, or have any useful purpose. Or we battle clutter by giving them practical gifts like underwear or socks for a birthday or holiday. We've been given orders to not buy any more toys for my grandchildren for Christmas, so I can't wait to see their faces when they open up several presents of "practical" items. I'm thinking about turning it into a scavenger hunt to fun it up a little.

What about considering gifts that don't take up space and add more clutter to one's home? A friend told me she paid another friend's library fine for her birthday when the friend was going through a tough financial time. I thought that was a great idea, and it benefited the friend's entire family to unblock borrowing privileges at the library. Here are some other suggestions:

• Magazine subscriptions are wonderful gifts that can be donated to a library, nursing home, woman's shelter, etc. after reading them. 
• Gifts could be made in someone's name to a church, a charitable organization, scholarship fund, library, etc. 
• Monetary gifts could be given to a child's college fund or savings account. 
• Gift certificates for meals, movies, or concerts are great ideas. 
• One could give a gift of time and energy to those full-time working folks by mowing their lawn, baby-sitting, helping clean out their garage or paint a room, etc.

Now de-cluttering my mind is another story, and I'm not sure I will ever get my memories of my years in Cotulla organized, but I am working on prioritizing what I allow my mind to dwell on. One of my favorite verses says:

Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, think on these things.   Philippians 4:8

And that's a good place to start. I notice it does not mention bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, lust, revenge, self-pity, envy, covetousness, and regret. If any of these chokeholds are cluttering up our minds, they should be the first things we get rid of. Otherwise, like clutter, they'll eventually bury us.

Now, I'm off to work on my clutter piles-- inside and outside of my head. 

DREAM

"D" is for DREAM - a dazzling start to this acrostic;

        Which reminds me, DUH also begins with "D";

        "D" is at the beginning of my name 

        And other words like DISCIPLINE & DO & DID & DONE,

        Important terms for achieving one's dream.

"R" is for RAW when our dreams are new and untested by life;

        Some of the best dreams were REALIZED by people who didn't REALIZE

        their dreams were impossible to achieve;

        REACH & RAISE & REFLECT are also key 

        when it comes to REARING one's hopes and dreams;

        And REAL is good, too, especially as a noun when dreams become that very thing.

"E" is EASY; naw, I just swiped that off that off the top of my head;

        But when I think about it, dreams tend to be easy when they're inside our noggins,

        And hard when we try to get them to come outside.

        It would be nice if the process of fulfilling one's dreams is ELEMENTARY or even EUPHORIC,

        But more often than not, getting there is just plain EXASPERATING, 

        If not EMBARRASSING  at times.

        I still dream at this point in life, though, and that brings us to

"A"... I'm AFRAID to make a move on a dream without God's AFFIRMATION.

        I've finally learned that I ACTUALLY don't know what's good for me,

        Or if I can truly handle the ACTUALIZATION of a dream,

        So if I can't, I ASK God to shut the door.

"M" isn't the best letter to end with because what comes to MIND

        Is that I've MADE too MANY MISTAKES in the anxious and impatient pursuit of dreams,

        Worthless as well as worthy ones that I was determined to MANAGE MY way.

        Sometimes I ended up with MEDIOCRE results.

        But an even better "M" word that comes to mind is that God is MERCIFUL,

        And can MAKE something MAGNIFICENT even from the mistakes in my life.

                And He has.

Back to the Basics

Beans: Stretching the Food Budget

My mother used to go to a hairdresser that constantly complained about how broke she was. But then Mom would see her bringing breakfast tacos for everyone in the shop, or see her eating out at McDonald's with a passel of kids. Mom listened patiently to her whining each week, but then the last straw came the day the woman complained about standing in the grocery store line behind another lady buying steaks and all sorts of food, when the woman only had $16 at that time to spend on groceries.  "It just isn't fair," she said.

My mother simply told the woman, "You're looking at it from the wrong direction. You shouldn't be looking over at what someone else has and comparing it with what you don't have. You need to be grateful that you have $16.00 to spend on groceries. That's what you need to focus on." 

My mother knew what she was talking about feeding a family of six on a one-income budget. The "Beans" part of this blog involves tips I've learned from her to stretch that food budget.

• Eating out is not an option for broke people. It's often one of the reasons people aren't living within their means. It's easy to fall back on take-out when we're tired from working and can't even think about what to fix for supper, but there are ways to remedy that. As for our household, we keep easy breakfast and lunch foods on hand. The evening meal is the meal I cook, and I basically only plan the main dish for each day of the week and use a variety of easy side dishes I keep on hand. I use a simple calendar form to help me plan the main dish. Feel free to modify the following chart to fit your lifestyle. I do the main dish meal planning in the 3rd column:

          Weekly Calendar Template

• Use a crock pot to cook your main dish. This is a great time-saver whether you work outside of the home or in the home. If you have access to the Internet, there are hundreds of easy main dish ideas and recipes for crock pot cooking. Pot roast, pork roast, chicken, casseroles-- you name it, and there are crock pot instructions for it. If you have limited time in the mornings, throw it together the night before and put it in the refridge. Just don't forget to take it out and plug it in before you leave. 

• Use meat-stretching recipes. One of our favorite dishes is goulash, and we fix it in a variety of ways to keep from getting tired of it. Ground meat is the foundation, and we almost always brown it with onion, salt and pepper, then add anything you like to it. Here are some of our favorite combinations:

          --Ground meat, macaroni, tomato sauce, & cheese

          --Ground meat, macaroni or any pasta, mushroom soup, & cheese (add chili powder if you like it spicy)

          --Ground meat, bell pepper, & Ranch Style Beans (this is good w/or w/o the cheese)

          --Ground meat, mixed vegetables (usually leftovers), penne pasta

          --Ground meat, pinto beans, chili seasoning

          --Ground meat, potato chunks, mushroom soup, cheese

          --Ground meat, spaghetti pasta & sauce, & mushrooms 

          Other popular protein-stretching recipes are casseroles. Check out the following recipes online:

         --King Ranch Chicken

         --Chicken Spaghetti

         --Meat loaf (uses crackers, bread crumbs, & egg to stretch it)

         --Tuna casserole (with mac n cheese n green peas) 

         Other favorite meat stretching ideas include:

         --Salmon patties (my son always asks my mother to fix these when he comes home - email me at          donna@donnavancleve.com if you'd like the recipe)

         --Stuffed Baked Potatoes 

         --Enchiladas & Tostados

• Meal-stretching Ideas. A roast is ideal for making multiple meals. My mother can make a roast go further than anyone I know.

          Roast meal 1: roast cooked with potatoes and carrots; good with green beans on the side, or make mashed potatoes and gravy

          Roast meal 2: roast beef sandwiches

          Roast meal 3: roast beef hash (cut up the leftover roast, brown cut up potatoes with onions, add the meat and a can of mushroom soup and some water, and let it simmer on low. 

          A friend of mine also made the best green chili burritos with leftover roast. 

          A ham is another great starter for multiple meals. After the initial meal of roasted ham, you can use it in breakfast casseroles or breakfast sandwiches, sandwiches for lunch, grate it up to make ham salad (you can add boiled egg, diced pickles, celery-- whatever you like in it), ham and scalloped potato casserole.There are so many possibilities. 

• Write out a meal plan for the week. Sometimes when we make things too hard or complex, we don't stick with it. Keep it simple-- I write down a main dish for each evening, and I keep vegetables and starchy foods on hand for the side dishes. 

• Keep a grocery list and try to stick to it when you shop. I tend to buy out the store if I grocery shop without a list. And then I'd let food go to waste when I'd forget that I bought it. 

• Grocery shop no more than once a week. My family used to live 90 miles from a decent sized grocery store, so we usually shopped twice a month. If we ran out of something that Mom couldn't pick up at a small convenience store, we made do with what we had. 

• Don't shop when you're hungry. Stick to that grocery list as much as possible. EVERYTHING looks good when you're hungry and you will ALWAYS buy much more than you need.

*  *  *  *  *

This post is the "Beans" part of the title of this blog. It's learning to live within one's budget. It's learning to discipline oneself to saying no when we need to. It's learning to work hard and finish what we've started. It's reaching goals and making dreams come true. And it's attempting to help others along our way because others have helped us.

Respecting Our Differences

I just read a post on Facebook and the person mentioned, among other things, that "capitulating to the demands of a religiously zealot society driving dogma as the norm means losing hope in future generations." I wonder what he defines as the "demands of a religiously zealot society." Believers and non-believers alike too easily brand those who don't think or believe as they do as "extreme" or "zealot" or "far right" or "far left."

A teacher wrote the post, and I hope he remembers our country's early history, unless his history lessons were completely stripped of any references to God due to the over-reaching, out of context concept of separation of church and state. If he were to read original accounts about our country's forefathers, he might be shocked to see that our publicly-praying and God-fearing founders would easily fall into his definition of religious zealots. They unabashedly believed that the hope in future generations rested firmly in the belief and honoring of the God of the Bible.

I don't think of myself as a religious zealot, but I do base my worldview from a biblical standpoint. And I'm so grateful that I have the freedom to believe and freely practice my Christian faith. We live in a country that protects our individual freedoms, including freedom of religion. But our history is far from spotless. It is fraught with conflicts from efforts to uphold or redefine or expand those protections for all of its citizens. And I'm thankful for that; some things in our past did need changing and enforcing.

I have to respect those who believe differently than I do, and I appreciate the reciprocality. And hate doesn't have to be part of the equation on any side. But what bothers me the most-- and it happens too often in any segment of society-- is when people base their decisions and beliefs on mis-information, half-truths, and downright falsehoods. And they're either too gullible or too lazy or too unknowledgeable to check facts and sources to learn the whole truth.

I'm okay with live and let live in our country for the most part, unless something is harmfully contrary to my biblical beliefs. Take the volatile issue of abortion. One side says it's a matter of choice and control of one's own body. I believe the choice was made at the decision to have sex; but if it resulted in a pregnancy, from that point on is a matter of being a responsible human being and caring for the life that was created.

I understand that many people consider the fetus a mass of growing cells with no soul, or they use a date to determine when the fetus is viable. But I believe that life begins at conception, and an eternal soul is created at that point. I have to speak on behalf of the unborn because God hates the shedding of innocent blood, and I believe our nation is going to be judged for allowing it. But if someone doesn't believe in the teachings of the Bible, an abortion is just another form of birth control. That's a huge difference in beliefs. And although it breaks my heart to know these precious lives are deliberately ended before they get to live their lives, I can't judge the mothers for it-- God says that is His responsibility, not mine. For those who've aborted their baby and regretted it later, my Father offers the balm of healing and forgiveness.

The entertainment industry likes to say it is only reflecting what is happening in our society, but more often than not, they create new realities, trends, and social mores. Many TV shows and movies include gay and lesbian characters, and a number of people are comparing the LGTB efforts with the Civil Rights movement. Polls show people are becoming more accepting of this lifestyle, but many Christians, including myself, find ourselves at odds here because those behaviors are not acceptable to God according to New Testament teaching, which is very clear on the subject. But I cannot force my beliefs on others, and again in our free country, I should have the right of reciprocality. I haven't always had a good attitude towards LGTBs because of things I've seen like the crude and lascivious behavior in Gay Pride parades, but I know now that doesn't reflect the behavior of all LGTBs. I've learned to respect our differences; I can still love, like, and work alongside them, but I can't condone the lifestyle. My commitment to God and belief in His teachings outweigh man's ever-changing social values.

But when new laws force faith-based organizations, churches, or companies to hire practicing LGTBs or face criminal charges, or when the Obama Health Care Act is forcing companies to pay for services or forcing doctors or nurses to perform procedures that violate their consciences and religious beliefs, one side is flagrantly disregarding the freedom of belief of the other side.

As for education, I chose to send my children to Christian schools and eventually home-schooled them three of their elementary school years because I wanted to be able to teach them Christian "dogma" and include biblical history and lessons along with the rest of their studies. Education, to me, isn't complete otherwise. That wasn't possible in the public school, and I didn't expect or demand that the public school change for my beliefs.  Some educators thought we were enemies of the public school because we chose a different path of education. But I served as PTA president for the public school during one of our homeschooling years because I knew that my children would be entering public school eventually, and I wanted it to be an easier transition for them. At the time I was called a fanatic by some, and others even said I was ruining my children. But when my kids went to the top of their classes in seventh grade and graduated #1 and #2 their senior years, folks realized otherwise. I'm so grateful we have the freedom to educate our children however we choose in our country. Not everyone agrees with homeschooling, but we can still respect our different opinions.

Much of the morals, laws, and work ethic we have today in our society are based on Judeo-Christian principles, but most folks don't know that. And there are many of these we all can agree on. I don't accept my beliefs lightly nor blindly. God allows all of us the free will to accept or reject Him. My faith is based on love, not fear. And although I don't understand everything about my faith, I believe it calls for a noble, compassionate, and merciful response to our world. I'm sorry for those times we Christians have failed to demonstrate God's love to those who don't believe as we do.

I can respect others' choices of beliefs and education and lifestyles, but I must stay true to my faith and belief in an eternal God and his teachings, no matter what the latest wind of dogma or ever-changing social trends man gives credence to. My disagreeing doesn't mean it's a hate crime. It's a difference of core beliefs. And I'm not advocating on behalf of a religion that devalues women and allows killing and harming others to force them to convert, or punishes their own who choose to live life differently. Extremists are present in our country hiding their ulterior motives behind our first amendment rights. That's kowtowing to fear and bondage, which represents a total loss of freedom.

Our country should continue to allow us all the freedom to express and live out our beliefs without fear of reprisal. And we all should respect our differences. We are one of the few countries in this world with these freedoms. Let's do everything we can to keep it that way.

Sorry, Kids

Sorry, kids. 

c. Donna Van Cleve

It's Gonna Hurt

Well before this time in an election year, I stopped listening to the pandering, slandering political ads and go with whichever candidate's policies line up with my principles.

The President takes far too much credit for what goes right in our country, and the opponents are quick to place far too much blame on things that go wrong. Basing one's vote on the latest, ever-changing, ever-manipulated statistics is precarious, at best. And common sense should not be thrown out with the partisan bath water.

One woman yelled at the news camera that she was voting for Obama because he gave her a phone. Another woman was complaining that her autistic sister's vote was going to be disenfranchised if her sister was required to show a voter's I.D. I think the woman was more worried that her autistic sister wasn't going to be able to cast her vote like she wanted her to vote. The autistic sister probably didn't even know who was running against the President. I saw an Occupy Now participant carrying around a sign twisting Kennedy's quote to say, Ask not what you can do for your country, but ask what your country can do for you. Is that selfish, lazy, narcissist attitude indicative of a bigger populace waiting for our government to meet their every need and want?

Can we all step back from this myopic view of life and look at the big picture here?

Our government is borrowing 30 cents for every dollar it spends-- how can any business survive that? Our government's deficit is now over $16,000,000,000,000. Do you know how big even one trillion is? And it's not even close to a billion. Take a look at the illustration on the following Web site:

http://www.pagetutor.com/trillion/index.html

It's hard to think that big, isn't it? And it scares me to death that most of us are sticking our heads in the sand when it comes to addressing this monstrous problem.

If Congress and the next elected President cannot work together and have the courage to make the tough decisions that it will take to solve the financial crisis facing us, it's going to hurt all of us when our government defaults and crashes financially, hurting not only every well-meanting social program including health care, but basic services we take for granted-- law enforcement, emergency responders, waste and water services, highway maintenance, and on we can go. Our government's financial debt is unsustainable unless some drastic measures are taken to start operating within its means. We'd all better learn to make do with what we have, because the government's modus operandi is mirroring the financial shape of many of its people. 

No matter who elected in the White House and Congress after tomorrow, the road ahead is going to be painful. 

That's a given.