Show & Tell

I have always been a bit introverted, except for around my family and close friends; I cut up as much as the rest of them. But in social and public environments I tend to feel uncomfortable and awkward.  I remember years ago in middle and high school wanting to be noticed and at the same time, not wanting to be noticed.

But even further back to my 3rd grade class, I always wanted to share on Show and Tell Friday but rarely remembered to bring something. My longing reached a tipping point one particular S&T day, and I looked around my desk and meager belongings to find something to show and tell about. I had a small pencil eraser that had come out of the end of a pencil, and I must've previously played around with it-- covering it with pencil lead and rolling it on paper, which made a track of gray like a printer. I decided I would share that marvelous discovery. So when the teacher asked if anyone had anything to share, I raised my hand.

I still cringe when I think about getting up and showing the class that little pencil eraser and what little it could do on paper. So desperate for attention, and getting it in a pitiful way. I don't remember the other students making fun of me or deriding me for presenting something so lame, in fact, some of them seemed truly interested. But I've never forgotten it, and I use the memory to remind myself today that I'd better not be posting lame stuff just to be posting something for show and tell. I don't want to waste people's time with useless words.

I do realize that one of the reasons I now write is to make connections with people, and writing is a very comfortable way for an introvert to do that. At the same time I am cognizant of my aversion to social settings and the strong desire to live in an isolated, emotional cave away from people, so I am attempting to improve those unhealthy areas of my life.

Writing also helps me sort out my thoughts, learn new ideas, change or crystalize my beliefs, and vent. But these days I find myself reserved about sharing my posts, and it's difficult for me to do any kind of self-promoting, which a writer has to do if one wants to sell one's written wares. A constant struggle for me. But I can promise you today that the stories in my novels and posts on my blogs are not empty show and tell efforts. I have the haunting memory of a pencil eraser to thank for that.