Habits: Good & Bad

We are what we repeatedly do, therefore, excellence is not an act, but a habit. -Aristotle

I somehow grew up thinking that I had to be in a certain mood in order to do anything:

• clean my room, 
• read a book, 
• play the piano, 
• learn something new, 
• do any chores, 
• create art, etc. 

Therefore, I didn't learn to be very good at anything. I referred to myself as a jack of all trades and master of none, assuming that was the level at which I was supposed to be functioning in life. 

I used my busy extra-curricular middle and high school schedules as an excuse to be sloppy and inconsistent about household chores, and lo and behold, I wasn't a good housekeeper after I got married. 

I used the excuse that I'd only had three and a half years of piano lessons to make up for the lack of practice and continuing to improve during the thirty years post piano lessons. 

I earned a bachelor of science degree in art, but I never created art for art's sake or continued to hone my skill on my own. The only art I created in college were those projects assigned for grades. After college I created art only after someone asked me to design something for community service and every once in a while, for pay. I decided I must be a commercial artist. Looking back now, I realize now that I was undisciplined and never developed good habits to continue to grow and improve that skill.  

After struggling for years and failing to consistently keep a clean house, I decided that I would work on developing just one regular habit until I could do it without agonizing over it-- and to do it whether I was in the mood or not. I decided I would do the dishes once a day (I know, that's horrifying for me to admit I struggled with that), and would pat myself on the back instead of beat myself up about all the things I didn't get done in the house that day. I didn't realize how much energy I was wasting feeling defeated and guilty about being a bad housekeeper. After I got into that one habit, I found it was easier to develop another new habit, and then another.

I still struggle with clutter, and the house gets its best cleaning when company's coming, but I've finally developed some good enough habits to keep the health department at bay. And I don't beat myself up about it if the house isn't showroom perfect (which actually has never been). If I see something that needs to be done, I do it. If it's something physical like mowing the yard or sweeping the porch, I tell myself that people pay good money to get that kind of work-out in a gym, and it gives me a good feeling to know I'm accomplishing two things at the same time. 

I've learned to not wait for a certain mood to be able to do something. Often the act of starting something will change my mood. I know reading benefits my brain and expands my perspective, so I make it a point to read regularly. I sit down and write now-- especially when I don't feel like it because I know the thoughts will eventually come. The act of pursuing something takes us that much closer to achieving it, no matter what it is, whether it's developing good habits, keeping a clean house, honing a craft, or learning something new.I am what I repeatedly do, so I want my habits to be good ones.

Looking ahead...

I know it's hard, and it takes more effort on your part to enforce this, but do your children a huge favor when they're young and help (which, in this case means force) them to learn good habits now so they won't struggle with having to correct bad habits that may take half a lifetime to overcome later.

This applies to school, too. I know parents who did much of a child's projects or homework for them, thinking they were helping. But they've denied their children the opportunity to learn something, even it's a lesson in responsibility and honesty.  And jumping in and fixing our children's mistakes could set a precedent that may last well into their adult years. 

It's always a good practice to regularly ask oneself: "Is what I'm doing helping or hurting my child in the long run? What are they learning from this?" 

Sometimes when we make it easier for our children now, we've actually made it harder for them later. -dvc

Skewed Priorities

Several weeks ago I saw a profile on TV of several college-educated homeless families, and I understand how losing one's job combined with outrageous medical bills could sink one's finances. But the homeless family that concerned me the most was the divorced single mother trying to maintain a since of normalcy for her 15, 16, and 17 year old sons. In her attempt to keep the whole family's heads in the sand about the fact that her one income could not support their lifestyle, she lost their home. Two of the three boys could've been working to help support the family, and the third one was plenty old enough to pick up odd jobs. Even with the bad economy, I still see help wanted signs in fast food establishments. Anything would've helped. Why did she think she had to carry the load all by herself? What was she teaching her sons? That someone else was always going to support and take care of them? They ended up in a homeless shelter!

When my mother's father died of a heart attack when she was 13 years old, her 17 year old older brother quit school and took over the cotton farm to support his mother and two younger siblings. Otherwise, I'm sure they would've lost the farm if they had depended on their mother to support them by herself. My uncle worked the farm for the rest of his life and left an inheritance for his five children. And he raised his children with a strong work ethic from the time they could hold a hoe. Although it didn't hurt my uncle financially to not have his high school diploma, I'm not advocating that teens quit school to help support the family, but they can go to school AND work if their family needs the help. I worked evenings and weekends at a Dairy Queen my senior year in high school, but I'm thankful that it didn't have to go towards helping support my family. My parents let me use the money for college living expenses. I'm just saying school and work can be achieved successfully, and thousands of young people are doing just that.

A young mother was sharing with a group of us that her husband had finally gotten a job and had received a $200 check for three days of training. She said it didn't go very far-- that they had spent $97 on their daughter's birthday presents-- on sale, she was proud to say, and most of the rest of it was spent on her daughter's birthday party at McDonald's for her friends. Then in the next sentence she said they were having to drive her mother's car because they couldn't afford to renew the inspection sticker and license for their own car.

My jaw dropped, and I've kicked myself ever since for not being able to tell her in a nice way, "Yes, you could afford to get your car back on the road, but you spent $200 on a birthday celebration you really couldn't afford. Birthday parties and hundred dollar gifts are luxuries, not necessities when you are in dire financial straits. I can remember my sister and I having one shared birthday slumber party the whole time we were growing up. I wasn't a deprived child nor was I scarred for not having a birthday party every year. But my parents always lived within their means.

My son worked several jobs while he was in high school and continued to work all through his college years. He told me some of his fast-food co-workers would fail to show up for work when they decided to quit. No two week notice-- not even a phone call to their boss to tell them they were quitting. Employers were constantly in a bind trying to fill vacated shifts. Are parents not teaching their children common courtesies and good practices in the workplace? Don't they realize they are sabotaging their future income earning opportunities when they leave a trail of bad work habits?

Are we losing our ability to recognize necessities versus luxuries? Are we not teaching our children how to prioritize their spending in order to live within their means? Are we handicapping our children by doing too much for them and not teaching them a strong work ethic? If we look at our government's spending practices, I'd say it's a good reflection of what's happening in our society.

We're still having our birthday parties and losing our houses in the process.

Garage Sale Tips and Etiquette

On a limited budget? Need to stretch that paycheck further? Have a garage sale! Or you can save a lot of money by shopping at garage and yard sales. Churches and organizations often hold white elephant or thrift sales, too. Whether you want to make a little cash or spend little cash, the following tips are useful to know for yard sale buyers and sellers.

For Sellers

Beforehand:

• Check to see if your community or neighborhood has any ordinances concerning garage or yard sales. My town limits households to two yard sales per year.
• Saturday is the best day for yard sales. Some have two-day sales starting on Friday, but often the second day is a waste of time unless you're having a half-price sale to move the picked over items. I have attended second day estate sales and found some good buys at the reduced price. Putting on a garage sale is hard work, and tying up two of your days can be torture.
• Advertise for free online in places like Craig's List. If your newspaper offers reasonable rates, post it several days before.
• Make sure you have an ample collection of clean, usable items for sale. Cars will often drive on by if they see only a table of knick-knacks and a sprinkling of clothes. Furniture is always a draw; decorative and household items such as linens and dishes are popular. Toys that are clean and working tend to sell well. Working tools are also picked up quickly at yard sales.
• If you don't have much to sell, consider teaming up with family or neighbors.
• As for clothes, infants and children's clothes tend to sell much better than adults' because they're easier to fit. I'll buy clothes at a garage sale if the prices are low enough to risk them not fitting. My best clothing buy: an expensive leather jacket for $5.00.
• Start pricing items well before the day of your yard sale. Some sellers are content to not price anything and have buyers make offers, but most buyers would rather see a price tag and not have to negotiate every item. 
• Price your items to move! Remember you want people to pay you to haul away your unwanted stuff. Make it worth their while to do so. I've seen too many people invest a tremendous amount of time and effort setting up a yard sale only to sell very little because their items were priced too high.
• Initial or color-code the price tags per individuals or households. When an item is purchased, use something like a spiral notebook to post the sale using a separate page for each participant. Or for quicker record-keeping, pull the price tags off the sold items and stick them to the respective person's page of sales.
• Make sure your items are clean and organized. It's best if you have tables to display smaller items, but if you don't, lay tarps or blankets down on the yard. If you don't want people stepping on the blankets, fold them to in narrow widths where they can easily reach something.
• If there is a chance of rain, you can still have your sale in a covered area like a porch or garage. My best buy on a rainy day: a nice, working toaster for 25 cents.
• If your sale is in your garage, cover items not for sale with tarps or sheets. If you are selling larger items out of your house, allow buyers into a very limited area in your house or protect your valuables.  Our biggest loss from a moving sale: a family rifle stolen from a bedroom closet when we allowed buyers to roam throughout the house to see furniture we were selling. 
• If you are selling jewelry, display them by your cashier. We learned the hard way that some people will steal at yard sales, even with rock-bottom prices. 
• Have plenty of change on hand. One person using a twenty-dollar bill to buy a fifty-cent item can eat up your change fast. It's good to price things that are easy to add up. Don't price anything less than a quarter so you only deal with quarters and bills when making change. If an item isn't worth a quarter, group or bag it with something else. Best free item: an IKEA loft bed someone was giving away if we would haul it off.
• Check to see if it's okay in your neighborhood to post signs directing traffic from busier streets to your yard sales. Some communities prohibit signs on public property, but it may be okay to post them in private yards with their permission. My most embarrassing garage sale moment: I walked up to a house where the driveway was filled with stuff, but learned they were just cleaning out their garage. The actual garage sale was down the street.
• When making the signs, keep them simple & brief, the letters large and easy to read. "Yard Sale" and an arrow are adequate. Neon colors are easy to spot, but weighted boxes will also work as signs. Some signs include street addresses, but buyers may not be familiar with street names and locations, so the arrows work best at directing traffic to your sale.
• If you have neighbors close by, give them a heads up about your sale so they'll be prepared for the extra traffic and parking on the street.
• We set up four tables (2 were borrowed) in the garage the day before and filled them with smaller garage sale items so it would be so easy to open the garage door and carry them out to the driveway the next morning. We set larger items underneath and around them and were ready to go.

The day of:

• Put the direction signs out right before your garage sale starts; otherwise, early birds will start rummaging through your yard before you get out of bed.
• It's easier and probably safer to have more than one person helping, but if you are putting on a yard sale by yourself, keep your money in a tummy pack or apron on your person. Do not leave a cash box unattended.
• If someone needs to come back in another vehicle to pick up a larger item, make sure they come back in a timely manner so you won't be tied down for hours after your yard sale is over.
• You can be as strict or as lenient as you choose to be when it comes to early birds. Some people refuse to follow your schedule and will show up at the crack of dawn and start shopping whether you are ready or not. If you want to discourage early birds from shopping before you are ready, you can put on your online listing and even post a big sign before you set up that early birds will be charged double. Another clever couple stretched crime scene tape around their carport and posted a sign that said "Early birds will be shot." Just remember to take those signs down once your garage sale begins. : )
• Most of your sales will take place the first two hours, so our garage sales don't go past 12 noon. It may be different in your area. We advertise an 8 to 12 noon yard sale so we're not sitting out there all day for only a few more sales. 

Afterwards:

• DON'T FORGET to pick up your posted signs immediately after the yard sale is over! Leaving them is littering and that's probably the biggest reason many HOAs and ordinance patrols like to prohibit yard sales. It costs them time and effort to pick up abandoned signs. And it's very frustrating for buyers to follow out-of-date yard sale signs that lead to no sale in sight. 
• If you've partnered with other family or friends with your yard sale, remember to subtract the money for change you started with before settling up. If the money ends up high or low from what your records show, divide the profit or loss evenly among the participants.
• Donate any unsold items to area thrift stores, etc. if one of your goals was to de-clutter your house. I know some people who box up unsold items for their next yard sale, but for most, doing that defeats the purpose. If it didn't sell the first time around, it probably won't sell the second time either.

Buyer Tips & Etiquette

• On Thursday or Friday, check Craig's List online and your local newspaper classifieds for garage/yard or estate sales in your area. Make a list of any that sound promising along with the instructions to find them. Also note the times they start.
• If you hit the garage/yard sales regularly, keep a list of what you are looking for. Don't buy things you don't need, or in no time at all your house will begin to look like the next contender for "Hoarders: Buried Alive." Make sure you have a place and a purpose for the things you buy. Otherwise, your clutter can get out of control fast.
• Get an early start and hit the earliest sales first, working your way around to the ones that start later. Most sellers don't appreciate you showing up before they are ready for you to be there.
• Take plenty of quarters and dollar bills for buying smaller items so you won't eat up the seller's change with larger bills. If you are looking for more expensive items like furniture, take plenty of cash with you.
• If you think something is priced too high, see if they'll negotiate with you to bring the price down. Ofttimes they will, but if something is a good price, pay them and move on. You don't have to haggle over the price of every item. 
• Do not park in or block the entrance to someone else's driveway. 
• Be polite. I've seen some of the worst behavior at yard sales-- people driving too fast during neighborhood garage sales trying to beat other people to the next sale, people arguing over something. At one garage sale I asked the price of a trundle bed, and as soon as the lady told me, a woman behind me hollered, "I'll take it!" before I could open my mouth. It was a good buy, but it wasn't worth arguing with someone over it. If it had been my garage sale, though, I would've given the first person that asked me the price first dibs on the item before I'd sell it to the one who so rudely interrupted. 

Try not let your "garage sale" buying habit get out of hand, or you've defeated your purpose of saving money. It's not a good deal when you've bought yet another item you don't need or don't have room for it. I taped the following quote beside my closet to remind me of that fact.

The sin of hoarding is more than just having. It's having without using. - Beth Moore

Enjoy yourself! Yard sales are great ways to meet new people and share information. It's also a fun way to entertain your children or grandchildren inexpensively, and you can teach them the value of money at the same time. Don't keep beating yourself up for missing some great deal. Be patient. You'll get another opportunity at another yard sale. And if you come home empty-handed, pat yourself on the back for saving that much more money.