Several weeks ago I saw a profile on TV of several college-educated homeless families, and I understand how losing one's job combined with outrageous medical bills could sink one's finances. But the homeless family that concerned me the most was the divorced single mother trying to maintain a since of normalcy for her 15, 16, and 17 year old sons. In her attempt to keep the whole family's heads in the sand about the fact that her one income could not support their lifestyle, she lost their home. Two of the three boys could've been working to help support the family, and the third one was plenty old enough to pick up odd jobs. Even with the bad economy, I still see help wanted signs in fast food establishments. Anything would've helped. Why did she think she had to carry the load all by herself? What was she teaching her sons? That someone else was always going to support and take care of them? They ended up in a homeless shelter!
When my mother's father died of a heart attack when she was 13 years old, her 17 year old older brother quit school and took over the cotton farm to support his mother and two younger siblings. Otherwise, I'm sure they would've lost the farm if they had depended on their mother to support them by herself. My uncle worked the farm for the rest of his life and left an inheritance for his five children. And he raised his children with a strong work ethic from the time they could hold a hoe. Although it didn't hurt my uncle financially to not have his high school diploma, I'm not advocating that teens quit school to help support the family, but they can go to school AND work if their family needs the help. I worked evenings and weekends at a Dairy Queen my senior year in high school, but I'm thankful that it didn't have to go towards helping support my family. My parents let me use the money for college living expenses. I'm just saying school and work can be achieved successfully, and thousands of young people are doing just that.
A young mother was sharing with a group of us that her husband had finally gotten a job and had received a $200 check for three days of training. She said it didn't go very far-- that they had spent $97 on their daughter's birthday presents-- on sale, she was proud to say, and most of the rest of it was spent on her daughter's birthday party at McDonald's for her friends. Then in the next sentence she said they were having to drive her mother's car because they couldn't afford to renew the inspection sticker and license for their own car.
My jaw dropped, and I've kicked myself ever since for not being able to tell her in a nice way, "Yes, you could afford to get your car back on the road, but you spent $200 on a birthday celebration you really couldn't afford. Birthday parties and hundred dollar gifts are luxuries, not necessities when you are in dire financial straits. I can remember my sister and I having one shared birthday slumber party the whole time we were growing up. I wasn't a deprived child nor was I scarred for not having a birthday party every year. But my parents always lived within their means.
My son worked several jobs while he was in high school and continued to work all through his college years. He told me some of his fast-food co-workers would fail to show up for work when they decided to quit. No two week notice-- not even a phone call to their boss to tell them they were quitting. Employers were constantly in a bind trying to fill vacated shifts. Are parents not teaching their children common courtesies and good practices in the workplace? Don't they realize they are sabotaging their future income earning opportunities when they leave a trail of bad work habits?
Are we losing our ability to recognize necessities versus luxuries? Are we not teaching our children how to prioritize their spending in order to live within their means? Are we handicapping our children by doing too much for them and not teaching them a strong work ethic? If we look at our government's spending practices, I'd say it's a good reflection of what's happening in our society.
We're still having our birthday parties and losing our houses in the process.
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