Habits: Good & Bad

We are what we repeatedly do, therefore, excellence is not an act, but a habit. -Aristotle

I somehow grew up thinking that I had to be in a certain mood in order to do anything:

• clean my room, 
• read a book, 
• play the piano, 
• learn something new, 
• do any chores, 
• create art, etc. 

Therefore, I didn't learn to be very good at anything. I referred to myself as a jack of all trades and master of none, assuming that was the level at which I was supposed to be functioning in life. 

I used my busy extra-curricular middle and high school schedules as an excuse to be sloppy and inconsistent about household chores, and lo and behold, I wasn't a good housekeeper after I got married. 

I used the excuse that I'd only had three and a half years of piano lessons to make up for the lack of practice and continuing to improve during the thirty years post piano lessons. 

I earned a bachelor of science degree in art, but I never created art for art's sake or continued to hone my skill on my own. The only art I created in college were those projects assigned for grades. After college I created art only after someone asked me to design something for community service and every once in a while, for pay. I decided I must be a commercial artist. Looking back now, I realize now that I was undisciplined and never developed good habits to continue to grow and improve that skill.  

After struggling for years and failing to consistently keep a clean house, I decided that I would work on developing just one regular habit until I could do it without agonizing over it-- and to do it whether I was in the mood or not. I decided I would do the dishes once a day (I know, that's horrifying for me to admit I struggled with that), and would pat myself on the back instead of beat myself up about all the things I didn't get done in the house that day. I didn't realize how much energy I was wasting feeling defeated and guilty about being a bad housekeeper. After I got into that one habit, I found it was easier to develop another new habit, and then another.

I still struggle with clutter, and the house gets its best cleaning when company's coming, but I've finally developed some good enough habits to keep the health department at bay. And I don't beat myself up about it if the house isn't showroom perfect (which actually has never been). If I see something that needs to be done, I do it. If it's something physical like mowing the yard or sweeping the porch, I tell myself that people pay good money to get that kind of work-out in a gym, and it gives me a good feeling to know I'm accomplishing two things at the same time. 

I've learned to not wait for a certain mood to be able to do something. Often the act of starting something will change my mood. I know reading benefits my brain and expands my perspective, so I make it a point to read regularly. I sit down and write now-- especially when I don't feel like it because I know the thoughts will eventually come. The act of pursuing something takes us that much closer to achieving it, no matter what it is, whether it's developing good habits, keeping a clean house, honing a craft, or learning something new.I am what I repeatedly do, so I want my habits to be good ones.

Looking ahead...

I know it's hard, and it takes more effort on your part to enforce this, but do your children a huge favor when they're young and help (which, in this case means force) them to learn good habits now so they won't struggle with having to correct bad habits that may take half a lifetime to overcome later.

This applies to school, too. I know parents who did much of a child's projects or homework for them, thinking they were helping. But they've denied their children the opportunity to learn something, even it's a lesson in responsibility and honesty.  And jumping in and fixing our children's mistakes could set a precedent that may last well into their adult years. 

It's always a good practice to regularly ask oneself: "Is what I'm doing helping or hurting my child in the long run? What are they learning from this?" 

Sometimes when we make it easier for our children now, we've actually made it harder for them later. -dvc